Check these out. Sent to me by my lovely bride to cheer me up. 
OLD?
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,
jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
sweats on, the class was over.
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old man: “And what do you think is
the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked. He simply replied,
“No peer pressure.”
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?” “98,” she replied.
“Two years older than me.” “So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented. She
responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
I’ve sure gotten old.! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half
blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different
medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have
bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and
feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my drivers license.
An elderly man decided to prepare his will and told his preacher he
had two final requests. First, he wanted to be cremated, and second,
he wanted his ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. “Wal-Mart?” the preacher
exclaimed “Why Wal-Mart?” “Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice
a week.”
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as
sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
I’m getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body
are just prone to swinging.
It’s scary when parts of your body start making the same noises as your
coffeemaker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, “For fast
relief.”
Don’t think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner
child playing with matches.
Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.!
Remember: You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
because you stop laughing.
THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I
never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.
