Large Scale Central

What one can learn from a couple of cows

General Discussion
#1

From time to time I receive an interesting email that contains some valuable insight worth passing on to you. The latest one that qualifies is called “Political Science for Dummies”. It is a short course in local and global politics and economic policy.

DEMOCRAT…You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful.

REPUBLICAN…You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST…You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST…You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE…You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE…You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION…You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

Then you force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION…You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

IRAQI CORPORATION…You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.

FLORIDA CORPORATION…You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out of state tell you which one you think is the best looking cow.

There’s a lot of truth to these observations isn’t there?

#2
Steve Featherkile said:
FLORIDA CORPORATION.....You have a black cow and a brown cow.
These would have to be sea cows, no?
#3
Chris Vernell said:
Steve Featherkile said:
FLORIDA CORPORATION.....You have a black cow and a brown cow.
These would have to be sea cows, no?
Chris, Chris,

Those are swamp cows who are waiting for even more white bull to show up.

#4

The bull around here sticks to the walls…:smiley:

#5
Hans-Joerg Mueller said:
Chris Vernell said:
Steve Featherkile said:
FLORIDA CORPORATION.....You have a black cow and a brown cow.
These would have to be sea cows, no?
Chris, Chris,

Those are swamp cows who are waiting for even more white bull to show up.


HJ, I ain’t touchin’ that line with an Alphorn.

Speaking of hanging chads, 30-something years ago when we first went to computer typesetting, the first method we had of reading wire copy into the system used paper punch tape. If you think chads gave the Florida voting system fits, you ain’t seen nuttin’: the machine that took the incoming wire signal and punched the tape all too often failed to punch holes at all, punched raggedy holes or left the proverbial chads all over the lot. When we fed the tape into the reader, the chads jammed the damn thing every ten minutes or so, and it was a bggr to clean out – and the copy that appeared on the screen frequently would have defied the Enigma decoders to make sense of it. The guy who ripped the tape off the puncher every so often was supposed to rub off the chads before feeding the reader, but if you applied enough thumb and forefinger squeeze to clean off the chads, you risked tearing the tape (cheapest grade of paper they could buy). How do I know that? Don’t ask.
Fortunately for our sanity, it didn’t take the boffins too long to figure out how to set up the direct-to-mainframe connections for the wire feeds, and we punted that tape puncher into the nearest garbage tip with nary a fare-thee-well.
Complain as we may about the quirks of our current system, it’s the other side of the galaxy from what we started with.

#6
Chris Vernell said:
HJ, I ain't touchin' that line with an Alphorn.
I didn't expect you would. :D :D :D
Chris Vernell said:
.............................and we punted that tape puncher into the nearest garbage tip with nary a fare-thee-well. ............................................
Well, I've been looking for just such an infernal puncher or better yet, one that was used to cancel cheques in days of yore. I keep looking, need to punch some mylar.
#7

Is that a cow puncher joke?

#8
Steve Featherkile said:
Is that a cow puncher joke?
Naw, it looks more like a pig poler joke.
#9

Steve Featherkile said:
Is that a cow puncher joke?

Steve, it all depends what you make of it, let your imagination guide you.

#10

Hans-Joerg Mueller said:

Steve Featherkile said:
Is that a cow puncher joke?

Steve, it all depends what you make of it, let your imagination guide you.

In the early '50s, my grandfather’s country vicarage in Shropshire backed on to a farm, and we frequently went over the back fence (there was a stile) and across the pasture as a shortcut to the village (there was in fact that peculiarly English thing, a right of way across the field). My sister was terrified of the cows (and of bats). Not that the cows ever bothered anyone, though they could have done some damage if they chose, since they were all horned. The bull, on the other hand, was kept chained by the nose in a gated yard; the old farmer warned us never to go in there, and he said that he himself would never turn his back on that animal.

#11
Chris Vernell said:
........................

In the early '50s, my grandfather’s country vicarage in Shropshire backed on to a farm, and we frequently went over the back fence (there was a stile) and across the pasture as a shortcut to the village (there was in fact that peculiarly English thing, a right of way across the field).
My sister was terrified of the cows (and of bats). Not that the cows ever bothered anyone, though they could have done some damage if they chose, since they were all horned. The bull, on the other hand, was kept chained by the nose in a gated yard; the old farmer warned us never to go in there, and he said that he himself would never turn his back on that animal.


Chris,

In the later 50’s we lived in a semi-rural part of Switzerland. Not far from where one of my uncles had a farm, got to hang out and help on the farm. I was never afraid of the cows, but trying to guide one by her horns into the barn wasn’t the smartest move. The “dumb cow” stepped on my bare foot. No safety boots, but my loud yelp got her off quickly. :wink: :frowning:

PS it didn’t take a couple of cows to learn, one was enough!