Large Scale Central

The Basic Laws

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors’ Law - If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

Never has a truer list ever been published. :wink:

Excellent tips!
Turning the wrench for over 20yrs I have a few solutions to #1. As for #7, this is resolved by my wife as I feel the phone is her 6 shooter, always strapped to her side.
However I would like to add another tip.
After applying Ben Gay or ointment to a sore muscle then laying down in bed to relax that aching part.
Never and I mean NEVER reach down and scratch your ass and adjust your man junk with the hand you applied the Ben Gay with.
Made that mistake once!!!
Oh and make sure there are no ink pens in you pockets before washing and drying. They go through the washer ok but the dryer ?? not so well.
:wink:

David Russell said:
After applying Ben Gay or ointment to a sore muscle then laying down in bed to relax that aching part. Never and I mean NEVER reach down and scratch your ass and adjust your man junk with the hand you applied the Ben Gay with. Made that mistake once!!!

:wink:


This also applies when eating or handling hot peppers.
Ralph

Good ones Ric!

For got his one.

Law of Christmas Lights:…They all work untill you hang them up. Then only half the strand will work.

…or none because one bulb has gone out and you don’t know which one.

Not exactly on topic but…

Cohn’s Postulate:

The more time you spend on reporting on what you are doing the less time you have to do anything.
Stability is achieved when you spend all of your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing that you are doing.

John

John Lilly said:
Not exactly on topic but...

Cohn’s Postulate:

The more time you spend on reporting on what you are doing the less time you have to do anything.
Stability is achieved when you spend all of your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing that you are doing.

John


Sounds like a Civil Service job I once had… :stuck_out_tongue:

Steve Featherkile said:
John Lilly said:
Not exactly on topic but...

Cohn’s Postulate:

The more time you spend on reporting on what you are doing the less time you have to do anything.
Stability is achieved when you spend all of your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing that you are doing.

John


Sounds like a Civil Service job I once had… :stuck_out_tongue:

Hmmmmmmmmm I thought they called that “twitter”? Which I, after reading the article concerning the hoopla around it, immediately renamed “fritter”, as in “fritter away time”. :wink: :slight_smile: