Large Scale Central

Pro per petrated Definitions

General Discussion
#1

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

  1.     Cashtration (v): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

  2.     Intaxication (n): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

  3.     Reintarnation (n): Coming back to life as a  hillbilly.

  4.     Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 

  5.     Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high 

  6.     Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

  7.     Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

  8.     Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

  9.     Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

  10. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

  11. Glibido (n): All talk and no action.

  12. Dopeler Effect(n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

  13. Arachnoleptic Fit (n): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

  14. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

  15. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

  1.     Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs. 

  2.     Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. 

  3.     Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

  4.     Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

  5.     Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

  6.     Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

  7.     Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

  8.     Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

  9.     Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

  10. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

  11. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

  12. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

  13. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

  14. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

  15. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

#2

:slight_smile: Thanks Ric

#3

Those are great - Even if humor is a banned topic :smiley:

#4

“Cashtration (v): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.”

I’ve been “cashtrated” several times in my life. It didn’t always involve a house :smiley:
Ralph

#5

Cashtrated oh ya ex-wife comes to mind !!!

Cheers to those that didn’t make the list…

#6
Jon Radder said:
Those are great - Even if humor is a banned topic :D
Not bad for the nose of the camel. :P
#7

My writings have been on the subject of ‘sarchasm’ for years :lol:

#8

Darryl, know where ya coming from, used to be mortgage free now up to my armpits in debt. Exes???
Randy

#9

Randy At least I never got stuck with Alimony. Definition: Alimony The screwing you get for the screwing you got ! Did I say that? At least I’m not going to hell as here I am in Lost Wages.

TOF

#10

Divorce: The act of ripping a man’s testicles out through his nose.

#11

We got a local paper here called Our Town. It comes out everyweek and it isgreat. Lots of humor etc… Here is one about being married

You’ve been married too long

Wife: Honey… what are you looking for?

Husband: Nothing

Wife: Nothing…?? You’ve ben reading our marriage certificate for an hour??

Husband: I was looking for the expiration date.

Wife: You always carry my photo in your briefcase to the office. Why?

Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, What other problem can there be greater than this one?

A wife asked her husband: what do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body? He looked at her from head to toe and replied I like your sense of humor.

#12

Wonderful posts Ric and Shawn; most enjoyable.

#13
Hans-Joerg Mueller said:
Jon Radder said:
Those are great - Even if humor is a banned topic :D
Not bad for the nose of the camel. :P
Had to look that up. Obscure, but true :D
#14

Here’s some more humor! Do you guys know the difference between “balls” and “guts” Balls is when you come home from a long nite of partying and your wife meets you at the door with a broom, and you say " are you finishing housework, or are you going somewhere?" and Guts is same thing only with lipstick on your face and collar, and you say “your next chubby” Both end in immediate death!! Hah lol Regal