Pardon me for such a long post, but I couldn’t find a link to the complete Dark Sucker Theory, only snippets. What follows is the Complete Dark Sucker Theory, as presented in Wood Badge WEM-49-94.
THE THEORY OF DARK SUCKERS
For years the electrical utility companies have led the public to believe they were in business to supply electricity to the consumer, a service for which they charge a substantial rate. The recent accidental acquisition of secret records from a well known power company has led to a massive research campaign which positively explodes several myths and exposes the massive hoax which has been perpetrated upon the public by the power companies.
The most common hoax promoted the false concept that light bulbs emitted light; in actuality, these ‘light’ bulbs actually absorb DARK which is then transported back to the power generation stations via wire networks. A more descriptive name has now been coined; the new scientific name for the device is DARKSUCKER.
This is a brief synopsis of the darksucker theory, which proves the existence of dark and establishes the fact that dark has great mass, and further, that dark particle (the anti-photon) is the fastest known particle in the universe. Apparently, even the celebrated Dr. Albert Einstein did not suspect the truth that just as COLD is the absence of HEAT, then LIGHT is actually the absence of DARK. Scientists have now proven that light does not really exist.
The basis of the darksucker theory is that electric light bulbs suck dark. Take for example, the darksuckers in the room where you are right now. There is much less dark right next to the darksuckers than there is elsewhere, demonstrating their limited range. The larger the darksucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Darksuckers in a parking lot or on a football field have a much greater capacity than the ones in used in the home, for example.
As with all man-made devices, darksuckers have a finite lifetime caused by the fact that they are not 100% efficient at transmitting collected dark back to the power company via the wires from your home, causing dark to build up slowly within the device. Once they are full of accumulated dark, they can no longer suck. This condition can be observed by looking for the black spot on a full darksucker when it has reached maximum capacity of un-transmitted dark … you have surely noticed that dark completely surrounds a full darksucker because it no longer has the capacity to suck any dark at all.
A candle is a primitive darksucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after the first use the wick turns black, representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. And it is of no use to plug a candle into an electrical outlet; it can only collect dark … being primitive it has no transmission capabilities. Unfortunately, these original darksuckers have a very limited range and are hazardous to operate because of the intense heat produced.
There are also portable darksuckers called flashlights. The bulbs in these devices collect dark which is passed to a dark storage unit called a battery. When the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied (a process called “recharging”) or replaced before the portable darksucker can continue to operate. If you break open a battery, you will find dense black dark inside, evidence that it is actually a compact dark storage unit.
For years it was believed that light was emitted from an electric bulb; recent information has proven otherwise - dark is sucked into the bulb - therefore, the bulb is a dark sucker.
There are many types and sizes of dark suckers. The largest manufacturers of dark suckers are General Electric and Sylvania. Some modern dark suckers utilize solid power to operate properly. Solid power units can be purchased from Eveready, Exide, and Duracell.
The dark sucker theory proves the existence of dark suckers as well as proving that dark is heaver than light. Some examples are as follows:
Electric bulbs: There is less dark near the electric bulb than at a distance of 100 feet when it is operating; therefore, it is sucking dark and can be classified as a dark sucker. The larger the dark sucker, the greater the distance it can suck dark. The larger the dark sucker the greater its capacity of dark. The dark sucking capabilities are evident when the dark sucker has reached its capacity and will no longer suck dark. At that point you may notice the dark area on the inside portion of the dark sucker. The larger the dark sucker, the larger the area of dark found within. This type of dark sucker can be made directional by placing a shield around a portion of the unit or behind it. This will prevent dark from entering the dark sucker from that side thereby extending the range of the dark sucker on the unprotected/unshielded side.
Candles - primitive dark suckers: There is more dark 30 feet from a lit candle then there is at a distance of 3 feet. Proof of it’s dark sucking capabilities is relatively simple. Examine a new unused candle, notice that the center core is not dark. Ignite the center core. Allow the center core to burn for about 5 minutes. Notice the lack of dark around the candle. Extinguish the candle flame. Notice that the center core of the candle is now dark. The center core is a dark sucker protected by a soft insulator to extend it’s life expectancy and maintain rigidity to verify that this primitive dark sucker is operating properly. Ignite the center core and allow it to burn for a minimum of 2 minutes. Pass a clean pencil over the top of the flame, left to right, approximately 3 inches above the center core. Notice that there is no dark on the pencil. Pass the pencil over the center core now about 1/2 inch. Notice that the pencil now has a dark area. The pencil blocked the path of the dark being sucked to the core of the dark sucker. This type dark sucker is very primitive and does not suck dark any great distance nor does it have a large capacity.
Dark sucker solid power units may be purchased locally at a variety of outlets. Size does not determine the life expectancy of the dark sucker solid power unit. These solid power units work with many modern dark suckers, and absorb dark from the dark sucker. The absorbed dark is converted to solid power within the unit.
An example of the conversion of dark into solid power in the automobile of today. Notice an auto in use during dark hours. Two (possibly four) large dark suckers are located on the front. On the rear there are two (or 3) smaller dark suckers with red filters. You may also notice several dark suckers with yellow filters. These filters are required to remove a percentage of red and yellow from total dark so as to energize the solid power unit. The solid power unit permits the auto to be utilized during hours of no dark by the dark it has absorbed. The number of dark suckers varies with the age of the automobile. Newer automobile solid power units require a greater percentage of red filtered dark. Older units generally require more non-filtered dark. The solid power unit of the automobile has a dark interior. This can be proved by cutting the solid power unit in half.
Dark is heavier than light. Dark always settles to the bottom of a lake and/or river. Submerge just below the surface of a lake and you will notice an absence of dark. Lower yourself to 15 feet below the surface and you will notice a degree of darkness even on a sunny, bright day. Lower yourself to 50 feet (or more) below the surface and you are in total dark. Ergo, the dark has settled to the bottom; therefore, dark is heavier than light. Modern technology has allowed us to utilize the dark that has settled to the bottom of large rivers through the creation of turbines which push the dark downriver to the ocean, which has a larger holding capacity for dark and is a common safe storage location. As the dark is passed through the turbine, a percentage of solid power is removed and transmitted to various short term storage plants for many usages. Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to move the dark from rivers to storage areas such as deep lakes or the ocean. The Indians would paddle their canoes very little and not very deeply if they were going in the direction of flow of dark so as not to slow it down. However, if they were traveling opposite the natural flow of dark, they would dig their paddles very deep and rapidly to assist the flow of dark to its ocean storage place.
Dark is faster than light. If you would open a drawer very slowly, you will notice that the light goes into the drawer. (You can see this happen.) You cannot see the dark leave the drawer. Continue to open the drawer and light will continue to enter the drawer; however, you will not see any dark leave the drawer. Therefore, dark is faster than light. Go into a closet, close the door, and turn off the dark sucker. Have a friend open the door about 1 inch. Your friend will not see any dark leave the closet, nor will you. Have your friend open the door until half the closet is dark and half is light. Since 2 objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time, and you do not feel any change in pressure, by compressing the dark, it is logical to assume that dark is faster than light.
It may come as a surprise to learn that dark suckers also operate on a celestial scale; witness the Sun. Our Sun makes use of dense dark, sucking it in from all the planets and intervening dark space. Naturally, the Sun is better able to suck dark from the planets which are situated closer to it, thus explaining why those planets appear brighter than do those which are far distant from the Sun. Occasionally, the Sun actually over-sucks; under those conditions, dark spots appear on the surface of the Sun. Scientists have long studied these ‘spots’ and are only recently beginning to realize that the dark spots represent leaks of high pressure dark because the Sun has over-sucked dark to such an extent that some dark actually leaks back into space. This leakage of high pressure dark frequently causes problems with radio communications here on Earth due to collisions between the dark particles as they stream out into space at high velocity via the black holes in the surface of the Sun.
Another example is the Moon. It has long been thought that a dark moon was a “New Moon.” This is empirically obvious to the most casual observer, given this new information. A dark moon is an old moon, full of dark, which needs to be emptied. Fortunately, the Inter-Galactic Dark Sucker Patrol does this for us, once a month, sucking the dark out of the Moon, thereby providing us with a New moon, ready to start sucking the dark out of the night time sky.