Large Scale Central

How can you be off topic, as long as you have a topic?

General Discussion
#1

So; here is a new “Off Topic” topic.

Hibernation;

can we learn from the bears, a lost art ? I’m working on relearning hibernation, but have run into one major problem; body functions do not slow down readily.

Yesterday, December 1st, 2006 seemed as likely a date as any to start trying to practise the lost art of hibernation.
I dilligently prepared a small cozy den in the far corner of the abbey, and started to study the situation. Firstly I tried to slow down my breathing, then discovered the need to restore my alcohol level. This posed a problem. The closest container of a fine drinkable nector, was beyond my reach.

After several hours of stringing 4 tube cables of lifelines to the appropriate bottles; it was time for a nap.

As I napped; my mind was working like a trojen; planning all sorts of life lines to the den. I even at one point thought of hiring a fine young Lockmaster’s daughter to massage my body while I was hibernating, but soon remembered that they are a dying group and it might take much too long to find one.

The one never-ending thought was to hire a bear and sit studying it’s hibernating habbits for an hour or so. That thought was doomed from the start…the only one available was skinned and laying on a neighbour’s living room floor.
Why do “Great White” hunters insist on killing a good source of leadership in the future need of knowledge in hibernation ?

It looks like I have a need for help, and knowing the unselfish people on these forums; I’m sure you all will come through with many kinds of wisdom.

Thanking you in advance, I remain sitting here waiting, near the litter box.

Fr.Fred

#2

I think you might be getting hibernation and inebriation confoosled. Too much inebriation can cause hibernation. The only problem is that you may not wake up from hibernation if you become too inebriated…!!

:smiley:

Warren

#3

Ahhh but you don’t understand high tech…all is controled, by modern mice playing in computers…intoxication is prevented by super sensitive overflow valves… alcohol levels are maintained at levels well below the area that “Botto Effect” takes place.
Hibernation is a rather new study in human advanced science…and growing in interest. We have learned much from bears of many types…but need more studies in order to balance the risk of “Blotto Effect”, against the mouse control of alcohol in hibernation. A very risky science at the best of times.

I do hope that you, Warren, with all the knowledge you have; will contribute to this new level of “Hibernation Science”; so that others may benifit from it in the near future.

I assure you that there was little if any chance of the “Blotto Effect” having any influence over my unionized typing finger. It’s union contract is very much honoured in any communication services I ask of it.

#4

Er…excuse me for a minute. I have to go to the kitchen for a refill. Don’t have my puter room automated yet.

:smiley:

Warren

#5

Guys, I’m confused, tried hibernation but nothing happened.

Here’s what I did on my laptop: hit the start button, then shut down, then hibernate… the screen went blank, but nothing happened to me…

What did I do wrong?

Thanks, Greg

#6

Hic…

You need a refill…

Hic…

Warren :smiley:

#7

You must complete the “Study” stage before attempting hibernation…

#8

I think conputers prevent hibernation. And humans not having background music, like in the movies, prevents the hibernation process as well. Bears must have lullaby music piped into their brain for the long sleep. Our ancestors may have had this music, but modern man has lost this ability. Maybe, we should study the ancients?

#9

That, my son is the whole point to the project.
Study, Study< and more study, along with long bouts of research.
At this moment we are looking for a volunteer, who would care to live with an Eastern Brown Bear, for a few months. The bear is already in hibernation. The lucky volunteer just has to move in.
Only equipment needed is a sleeping bag and a good supply of liquid medication.

The bear rejected me; seems that my body odours kept her awake…

  ......music didn't help; we tried it......even the piper from the Rabi Burns night had no success.
#10

Maybe I should gather all these suggestions together. Our government most likely will give us grant money to study this. After all they gave out grant money to study cow farts.

Warren

#11

Everyone…sing along! “Oh I’d rather have this bottle in front of me, …than to have to have a frontal lobotomy”

#12

Victor Smith said:

Everyone…sing along! “Oh I’d rather have this bottle in front of me, …than to have to have a frontal lobotomy”

I’ll drink to that!!..:wink:

#13

Click for My opinion!

Warren

#14
Fred Mills said:
That, my son is the whole point to the project. Study, Study< and more study, along with long bouts of research. At this moment we are looking for a volunteer, who would care to live with an Eastern Brown Bear, for a few months. The bear is already in hibernation. The lucky volunteer just has to move in. Only equipment needed is a sleeping bag and a good supply of liquid medication.

The bear rejected me; seems that my body odours kept her awake…

  ......music didn't help; we tried it......even the piper from the Rabi Burns night had no success.</blockquote>

As we sit pondering…lost in study…and with many visits to the Tree of Woe…What message did we receive?..Has the bear found a suitable companion?..Hummmm, I was always told that music has charm that soothe the savage beast…wearing bells does make it easier for the Grizzlies to find you.

I guess it’s back to study…some more.

#15

Actually, she is an Eastern “Black” bear…

#16
Fred Mills said:
Actually, she is an Eastern "Black" bear......
Now you failed to tell me she was a Yankee......That explains much!
#17

…oh yes, I failed to mention. The bear is wearing a pair of underwear, all in a material printed with the “Stars and Stripes”…I guess you could say that is an indication that she is a Yankee, besides the “Yankee” screw driver she carries in a leather belt around her waist…She even wears a watch with a crest on it’s dial, of the "Carpenters’ Union; on her left forleg.