My friend and former shipmate AZ, a Portagee Sailorman if ever there was such, sent this document to me. On his last cruise, he was Command Masterchief for Amphibious Squadron 5 (PHIBRON 5) made up of about 10 or so Gator Freighters. For the uninitiated, a Gator Freighter is a large, slow target that carries US Marine Corps Amphibious Forces.
In true military fashion, the Department of Redundancy Department has been at work on this document, but this fact only verifies its authenticity.
PHIBRON 5
GENERAL ORDER 1
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ACTION: REGRETTABLY THE ALLIED SIGNAL BOOK DOES NOT POSSESS SUFFICIENT FLEXIBILITY FOR FORMATION COMMANDERS/COMMANDING OFFICERS TO ADDRESS SPECIFIC OPERATIONAL REQUIREMENTS; NOR DOES IT PROVIDE THE MEANS WHEREBY PLEASURE OR DISPLEASURE MAY BE EXPRESSED. THE GATOR CODE THAT FOLLOWS HAS BEEN DESIGNED TO FILL THIS GAP.
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AUTHORIZATION FOR USE: THE SQUADRON COMMANDER OR ANY COMMANDING OFFICER MAY TRANSMIT SINGLE CODE NUMBER OR MULTIPLE GROUPS BY VOICE, FLASHING LIGHT, OR FLAGHOIST, WHENEVER THE TACTICAL SITUATION DICTATES. JUNIORS MAY TRANSMIT TO SENIORS WITH CAUTION. UNITS OF OTHER SQUADRONS/TYPES OPERATING WITH PHIBRON ONE MAY PARTICIPATE ON A SELECTIVE BASIS WHEN THEY HAVE REACHED THE NECESSARY LEVEL OF SIGNALING PROFICIENCY.
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METHOD OF TRANSMISSION:
A. BY VOICE - X DE Y GATOR 2 OVER/OUT
X DE Y GATOR 12A OVER/OUT X DE Y GATOR 6C TACK 12A OVER/OUTB. BY FLAGHOIST - NUMERAL FLAG(S) FOR CODE NUMBER DESIRED,
PRECEDED BY FLAG Z USING NORMAL ADDRESSEE CALL.C. BY LIGHT - USE NORMAL CALL AND ANSWER PROCEDURE WITH TEXT
CONTAINING WORD GATOR FOLLOWED BY GATOR CODE
GROUPS.
TACTICAL DIRECTIVE
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CODE
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YOU SHOULD GO PLACES, START IMMEDIATELY
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IF IT FEELS GOOD, DO IT! IF IT HURTS, TOUGH LUCK.
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STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND I’LL COME WHERE YOU’RE AT.
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THE NEXT EVENT WILL BE A REST PERIOD FOR TIRED/HARASSED C.O.'S.
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STAND BY YOUR BAGS, HERE IT COMES.
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REPORT REASON FOR FOUL UP (SEE GATOR 10)
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I THINK THAT YOU ARE IN MY STATION/ANCHORAGE, BUT IT IS
NEGOTIABLE -
HAVE YOU SEEN _________________ ANYWHERE?
A. WAVE
B. MY BOAT GROUP COMMANDER
C. MY GIG -
WHITHER GOEST THOU?
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TACTICAL EXPLANATORY
10. MY EXCUSE FOR THE FOUL UP IS:
A. LACK OF PREPARATION
B. XO'S MEETING
C. FINGER TROUBLE
D. USING THE OP ORDER FOR THE NEXT EXERCISE
E. COULDN'T FIND THE TARGET
F. I CAN'T READ
G. I'VE TEMPORARILY LOST THE BUBBLE
H. STAFF HAS TURNED IN AGAIN
I. A RARE ADMINISTRATIVE OVERSIGHT
J. WHAT DID YOU SAY THAT DTG WAS
K. DESIG ___________________________
11. IF YOU THINK THAT WAS BAD WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE ME:
A. RAS
B. FIRE GUNS
C. LAUNCH BOATS/LVTS
D. RECOVER BOATS/LVTS
E. LAUNCH HELOS
F. RECOVER HELOS
G. BEACH
H. TAKE CHARGE
12. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE MY NEXT COMMAND/SIGNAL (GOES
WITH 26)
13. THE FACT THAT I MAY BE WRONG HAS NO BEARING ON THE DECISION.
14. THE FINAL WORD THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED SHOULD BE TREATED AS A
FIRM MAYBE.
15. ONE MORE STEP TO CAREFREE ELECTRONICS LIVING.
16. THE COMMODORE HAS DEPARTED THE FLAG BRIDGE AND GONE BELOW
SO THE TACTICAL SITUATION SHOULD SOON CLARIFY ITSELF.
17. IF YOU ARE NOT CONFUSED IT IS BECAUSE YOU DON'T COMPREHEND THE
SITUATION.
18. YOU WON'T BELIEVE THE NEXT ONE.
19. I HAVE ASSUMED AN APPROPRIATE POSE OF:
A. CHAGRIN
B. CONTRITION
C. BOTH THE ABOVE
D. NONE OF THE ABOVE
20. THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY FOLKS
TACTICAL EXHORATIVE
21. PRAY CLOSE THE FLEET IN ORDER THAT YOU MAY BE IDENTIFIED.
22. COMMUNICATIONS ARE THE MEANS WHEREBY COMMAND IS EXERCISED.
SPEAK TO ME, I NEED THE EXERCISE.
23. COME BACK, ALL IS FORGIVEN.
24. DESIG ______________. I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO RAISE YOU ON CKT FOR
THE PAST HOUR1HOURS/DAYS AND, SINCE MY EQUIPMENT IS ALWAYS UP,
REQUEST YOU CHECK YOUR TRANSMITTER/RECEIVER.
TACTICAL ADMONITORY
25. YOUR EXPLANATION:
A. IS UNBELIEVABLE BUT I'LL BUY THAT.
B. LACKS A CERTAIN CREDIBILITY
C. IS IMAGINATIVE, BUT NOT REALISTIC
26. YOU ARE RIGHT THAT LAST COMMAND WAS QUITE UNBELIEVABLE (GOES
WITH 12).
27. G O Y A
28. BETTER NEVER THAN LATE.
29. GIVE UP NOW, 'TRY AGAIN LATER.
30. DON'T FEEL TOO PROUD OF THE LAST EVOLUTION, YOU WERE BEING
FOLLOWED PURELY OUT OF CURIOSITY.
31. THE RESOURCEFULNESS OF YOUR REPLY ASTOUNDS ME.
32. STRONGLY ADVISE YOU DO NOT USE BRAILLE FOR YOUR NEXT
APPROACH.
33. PARDON ME BUT I'M AFRAID THAT YOU ARE MAKING THIS EVOLUTION
MUCH SIMPLER THAN IT REALLY IS.
34. YOUR EXPLANATION HAS BEEN RECEIVED WITH:
A. SYMPATHY
B. INCREDULITY
C. RELIEF
D. SATISFACTION
E. AMAZEMENT
F. ADMIRATION
35. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIGNALMEN ON WATCH - IF SO, PRAY AWAKEN THEM.
36. GIVE YOUR EARS A CHANCE
37. THOSE PRETTY COLORED FLAGS FLYING ON THE FLAG HALYARDS ARE
NOT JUST DECORATIVE.
38. WHAT, PRAY TELL, ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
39. SILENCE IS GOLDEN, ESPECIALLY ON:
A. TG TACTICAL
B. TG REPORTING
C. AS A GENERAL PHILOSOPHY
40. DO YOU HOLD MY MESSAGE _______________. IF SO, HOLD IT IN FRONT OF
YOU AND COMPLY.
TACTICAL DEROGATORY
41. MY INTENTION WAS THAT YOU TAKE STATION NOT RAM.
42. WHY IS IT THAT YOU CONSTANTLY PUSH DOORS MARKED "PULL"?
43. THE ALACRITY WITH WHICH YOU CARRIED OUT THE LAST TACTICAL
SIGNAL DAZZLES THE VISION AND NUMBS THE SENSES.
TACTICAL DEROGATORY
44. YOU SHOULD AT LEAST TRY AND GIVE THE IMPRESSION YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
45. IF YOU THINK YOUR NEXT EVOLUTION IS GOING TO BE EQUALLY
DISASTROUS PLEASE GIVE ME ADVANCE WARNING.
ADMINISTRATIVE EXPLANATORY CATEGORY
46. YOU MAY NOT LIKE THE ______________ING BUT THE STAFF LIKES
______________ING YOU.
47. MY EXCUSE FOR THE FOUL UP IS:
A. LACK OF PREPARATION
B. XO'S MEETING
C. FINGER TROUBLE
D. USING THE OP ORDER FOR THE NEXT EXERCISE
E. I CAN'T READ
F. I'VE TEMPORARILY LOST THE BUBBLE
G. STAFF HAS TURNED IN AGAIN
H. A RARE ADMINISTRATIVE OVERSIGHT
I. DESIG ________________
48. THE FINAL WORD THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED SHOULD BE TREATED AS A
FIRM MAYBE.
49. THE FACT THAT I AM WRONG HAS NO BEARING ON THE DECISION.
50. THINGS WILL REMAIN AS THEY ARE OR THEY WILL CHANGE.
51. ONE MORE STEP TO CAREFREE ELECTRONIC LIVING.
52. WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET.
53. THE PRECEDING IS NOT TO BE CONSTRUED AS A CYA POSITION, BUT
RATHER AS SAGE ADVICE.
54. SOCRATES WAS A WISE OLD MAN WHO GAVE SOUND ADVICE TO THE
PEOPLE AND THEY POISONED HIM.
55. NOVEMBER SIERRA
56. I HAVE ASSUMED AN APPROPRIATE POSE OF:
A. CHAGRIN
B. CONTRITION
ADMINISTRATIVE EXHORTATIVE
57. LET GO OF MY EARS, I KNOW MY JOB.
58. HAPPINESS IS A PRIVATE SHIP.
59. COMMUNICATIONS ARE THE MEANS WHEREBY COMMAND IS EXERCISED.
SPEAK TO ME, I NEED THE EXERCISE.
60. MOUNTAIN ERECTED, TAKE ACTION ON MISSING MOLEHILL.
ADMINISTRATIVE ADMONITORY
61. WHAT YOU SAY IS COMPLETELY TRUE BUT IRRELEVANT.
62. YOUR EXPLANATION:
A. IS UNBELIEVABLE BUT I'LL BUY THAT.
B. LACKS A CERTAIN CREDIBILITY.
C. IS IMAGINATIVE, BUT NOT REALISTIC.
63. SPEAK SLOWER IN ENGLISH, PLEASE.
64. G O Y A
65. BETTER NEVER THAN LATE.
66. I KNOW YOU BELIEVE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU THINK I SAID, BUT I
AM NOT SURE YOU REALIZE THAT WHAT YOU HEARD IS NOT WHAT I
MEANT.
67. THE RESOURCEFULNESS OF YOUR REPLY ASTOUNDS ME.
68. THE OFFICER WHO DRAFTED THAT REPLY DESERVES TO BE ON MY STAFF.
69. REGULATIONS ARE A CRUTCH FOR THE MEEK, AN EXCUSE FOR THE LAZY,
A BENEFIT FOR THE IGNORANT, A GUIDE FOR THE INCOMPETENT, AND
ARE TO BE BROKEN BY ANYONE ELSE. YOU HAD BETTER STICK TO THEM.
70. COME, LET, US REASON TOGETHER BEFORE I LOSE MINE.
71. YOUR REPORT/EXPLANATION HAS BEEN RECEIVED WITH:
A. SYMPATHY
B. INCREDULITY
C. RELIEF
D. SATISFACTION
E. AMAZEMENT
F. ADMIRATION
72. YOUR LAST MESSAGE IS NOT UNDERSTOOD BUT DON'T BOTHER TO
EXPLAIN.
73. REPORT REASON FOR FOUL UP (SEE GATOR 47)
ADMINISTRATIVE DEROGATORY
74. WHY SEND A SIGNAL WHEN YOU COULD HAVE REMAINED SILENT AND
HAVE ME SUSPECT RATHER THAN VERIFY THAT YOU ARE A BOOB.
75. WHY IS IT THAT YOU CONSTANTLY PUSH DOORS MARKED "PULL"?
