Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
SCHIZOPHRENIA:
Do You Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
We Three Kings Disoriented Are
AMNESIA:
I Don’t Know if I’ll be Home for Christmas
DEMENTIA:
I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas
NARCISSISTIC:
Hark, the Herald Angels Sing About Me
MANIC:
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores
and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees
and Fire Hydrants and . . .
PARANOID:
Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
PERSONALITY DISORDER:
You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry,
I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
DEPRESSION:
Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is Lonely
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER:
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, … (better start again)
AGORAPHOBIA:
I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day but Wouldn’t Leave my House
SENILE DEMENTIA:
Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles from my House in my Slippers and Robe
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY:
On The First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me (and then took it all away)
SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER:
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I sit here and Hyperventilate
