My friend, AZ, a Portagee sailorman from the VinnieMaru sent this to me. I thought I’d pass it on to assist those who might be able to use it.
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When choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your
throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. -
Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold
while you chop. -
Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the
sink. -
To treat high blood pressure: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few
minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. -
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. -
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be
afraid to cough. -
You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move
and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape. -
When confused remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Daily Thought:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A
SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.