Large Scale Central

A response from the North Pole

Dear Billy,

While I know you’ve been a very good boy this year, and also know you really do want a train set. I have some rather sad news to tell you.

Due to the downturn, I had to lay off all the elves last spring. In June Mrs Claus was forced to make Donner into reindeer stew. The toyshop is in foreclosure, and the bank has repossessed the sleigh.

Please forward all further inquiries to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave Washington DC

Merry Christmas, anyway.

                                      Sincerely,
                                             S Claus

Ho-ho-ho!

This be the only train set you are ever likely to see at the North Pole.

http://www.rcs-rc.com/index.php?page_id=1112&PHPSESSID=h5qntf1oas7nk1726ln9fsogc6ieu68w

I didn’t even have to go to your link, I knew what picture you were posting.

Semper Paratus

Wot!!! you didn’t watch the movie? Round and round the pole.

I’ve watched that many many times. And for you I watched it again. What I’m always impressed and feel when I see it, is the sound of the wind. It makes me feel cold every time. The U.S. Coast Guard has gotten plenty of miles out of that video and those pictures. I think it has appeared in almost every publication they put out.

That train is the cause of most of our later and current problems. It was run in the wrong direction. The thing should have run in a clockwise direction to avoid interference with the rotation of the World. The whole World has been distorted by the way it ran, and has never been the same since. The only way to repair the damage is to send a Canadian Coast Guard ship to the pole, with a loop of plastic Bachmann track, and an old wind-up, locomotive with all metal cars. This just might, if the moon is full, at the time, solve the problem.
Finding the will of the Canadian Government to foot such a venture, or a Canadian ice breaker to do the job, along with more than 3 Canadian Sea Scouts to man her, would be almost impossible.

I do hear that there are four Girl Guides, who after selling all their cookies; are available, along with several row boats left over from a failed effort to refloat the Ark. The wind-up train set is in some collector’s possession, located in the wilds of Wacko Texas, but he won’t allow it to be removed from the box.

There is no hope for us…all I can do is continue burning old wood, plastic bags, paper and old matresses, to try to increase “Glowball” warming, so that, if the “Girls” can jank Tony out of his bed of jelly beans, in deep South Fijii; so that they can row the leaking row-boat, directly to the pole, in order to sort this whole matter out.

“That train is the cause of most of our later and current problems. It was run in the wrong direction. The thing should have run in a cockwise direction to avoid interference with the rotation of the World. The whole World has been distorted by the way it ran, and has never been the same since. The only way to repair the damage is to send a Canadian Coast Guard ship to the pole, with a loop of plastic Bachmann track, and an old wind-up, locomotive with all metal cars. This just might, if the moon is full, at the time, solve the problem.”

I don’t know what the big deal about this railroad at the North Pole is, actually it looks like the train never ran, the Earth spun underneath it.

Imagine the little conductor changing his tiny watch to match the changing time zones.

Edit: added “little” and “tiny”

Fred Mills said:
That train is the cause of most of our later and current problems. It was run in the wrong direction. The thing should have run in a cockwise direction to avoid interference with the rotation of the World. The whole World has been distorted by the way it ran, and has never been the same since. The only way to repair the damage is to send a Canadian Coast Guard ship to the pole, with a loop of plastic Bachmann track, and an old wind-up, locomotive with all metal cars. This just might, if the moon is full, at the time, solve the problem. Finding the will of the Canadian Government to foot such a venture, or a Canadian ice breaker to do the job, along with more than 3 Canadian Sea Scouts to man her, would be almost impossible.

I do hear that there are four Girl Guides, who after selling all their cookies; are available, along with several row boats left over from a failed effort to refloat the Ark. The wind-up train set is in some collector’s possession, located in the wilds of Wacko Texas, but he won’t allow it to be removed from the box.

There is no hope for us…all I can do is continue burning old wood, plastic bags, paper and old matresses, to try to increase “Glowball” warming, so that, if the “Girls” can jank Tony out of his bed of jelly beans, in deep South Fijii; so that they can row the leaking row-boat, directly to the pole, in order to sort this whole matter out.


Freddie,

After much deeply superfluous thought I have concluded that a nude midnight dance around the pole might do the job provided you are properly fortified with holy water and wearing metal anklets (something about conducting a magnetic field). The dance must be entirely nude although fur earmuffs are allowed. Tony can row you up there and Oprah will take pictures and interview you after. You are the only one that can do it. The world will be grateful and you will gain great fame on the internet.

Tony…when are you starting the treck North ? I’ll be waiting with great expectations, on the pier in Vancouver, I figure that with luck, and no extra passengers or crew, besides several mature young ladies in bikinis, your extra strong rowing should get you there by December 30th…if you start within 15 minutes …
I’ll be ready to start my nude sundance on arrival at the North pole, on the day of the full moon in January. I have the earmuffs, and a pair of “Nut Warmers”, so all should be well.
Tony…dress warmly…it gets cold in these northern waters in January…see you soon.

By the way…Merry CHRISTMAS everyone…

Fred Mills said:
By the way....Merry CHRISTMAS everyone.....
Thanks Fred...I know you all North of the border are ahead of us but those south of the border would like to get through Thanksgiving first. Even though half my town has their Christmas lights up already....I hate that! ;)

But when it it midnight at the pole?

“But when it is midnight at the pole”…?? If you mean “When is it midnight at the North Pole ?” I would answer; whenever my watch says it is, if I’m going to do my nude Branch Railroadian Sun Dance, at midnight of the day of the full moon.
If you choose midnight for some helpful activity that your mind creates, then use your own watch, and have fun…!!!

I wished everyone an early MERRY CHRISTMAS, in order to set the tone of this year’s celebrations. TO HELL WITH POLITICAL CORRECTNESS…it’s CHRISTMAS…and the celebrations have always been based on Happiness, and GOODWILL towards our fellow man.

If YOU can’t just wish everyone a simple MERRY CHRISTMAS, using it’s true meaning; then simply sulk off to a corner someplace. and fart yourself to some sort of sleep.

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez and we aren’t even passed “Turkey Day” oh man oh man!! but here’s wishin everyone a happy Thanksgiving, and then on to that other one ah em Christmas yeah that’s the one!! Regal down under in the “Corn cob state” hee hee

Just a tad early for the Yuletide message I think.

Fred Mills said:
I wished everyone an early MERRY CHRISTMAS, in order to set the tone of this year's celebrations. TO HELL WITH POLITICAL CORRECTNESS......it's CHRISTMAS....and the celebrations have always been based on Happiness, and GOODWILL towards our fellow man.

If YOU can’t just wish everyone a simple MERRY CHRISTMAS, using it’s true meaning; then simply sulk off to a corner someplace. and fart yourself to some sort of sleep.


Well said, Sir. Mali Kalikimaka.

Fred,

And a Merry Christmas to you sir. I’ll raise a flagon to “political incorrectness” too!