T’was the night before Xmas, and me & the missus,
Was watchin’ the telly ‘cos we’d finished the dishes,
The kids was all out, up the pub or the flicks,
Except for our Jim who was still in the nick.
I poured out a glass of a good Guinness Stout,
When a hell of a noise made the old missus shout!
“Some bastard’s out back & he’s into the shed!â€
So I ran out the door to kill the swine dead!
But what to my wonderin’ eye should appear?
A Heineken truck had just crashes with its beer!
The cases & bottles lay all in a clutter,
So while the poor bastard in the truck did his nutter,
I helped meself quick to a bottle or fifty
And I shoved ‘em behind the door of the privy.
“You OK, mate?†I shouted, shoving bottles down trous,
“I’d be right there to help, but I can’t find me shoes!â€
He must have been pious, ‘cos I heard him exclaim,
And I know he quite often used the Lord’s Name,
As he told all the world how he’d missed the last curve,
And he lost all his load when he’d had to make swerve
Well, the coppers come round & they took down his name
And they told me I could make an insurance claim,
So I took down some notes as I reckoned me right,
And went back inside to have a Good Night!
Original, written Dec 22nd, 2006
