Large Scale Central

52 sayings

General Discussion
#1

In order to avoid confusion and frustration, I have posted here 52 Sayings - one for every week of the year:

  1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of ****.

  2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

  3. How about never? Is never good for you?

  4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

  5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

  6. Who lit the fuse on you?

  7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

  8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.

  9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

  10. Ahhhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

  11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

  12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

  13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a ****.

  14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

  15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

  16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point
    of view.

  17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

  18. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.

  19. What am I? Fly-paper for freaks?

  20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

  21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.

  22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

  23. And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?

  24. Do I look like a ‘people person’ to you?

  25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

  26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

  27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

  28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

  29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

  30. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.

  31. Oh I get it. Like humour, but different…

  32. An office is just a mental institute, without the padded walls.

  33. Can I swap this job for what’s behind door …1?

  34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

  35. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?

  36. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.

  37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

  38. I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money.

  39. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being more intelligent.

  40. Wait a minute - I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

  41. Aren’t you just a black hole of need.

  42. I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?

  43. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?

  44. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

  45. If you have something to say raise your hand…then place it
    directly over your mouth.

  46. I’m too busy; can I ignore you some other time?

  47. Don’t let your mind wander; it’s too small to be let out on its own.

  48. Have a nice day, somewhere else.

  49. You’re not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away.

  50. You are as pretty as a picture; I’d really like to hang you.

  51. Don’t believe everything you think.

  52. Do you hear that? That’s the sound of no-one caring.

#2

A couple of good ones there…

  1. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

  2. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

And my Customer Service favorite…

  1. I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
#3

Musta been raining out Mik’s way again :smiley:
Ralph

#4

(http://www.lscdata.com/users/lastmanout/_forumfiles/HaALF.jpg)

When Insults Had Class The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband, I’d give you poison,” and he said, “If you were my wife, I’d take it.” Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” That depends, sir," said Disraeli, “On whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.” “He had delusions of adequacy.” Walter Kerr “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” Winston Churchill “A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” Winston Churchill “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” Moses Hadas “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” Abraham Lincoln “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” Mark Twain “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” Oscar Wilde “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend… If you have one.” George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… If there is one.” Winston Churchill, in response. “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” Stephen Bishop “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” John Bright “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” Irvin S. Cobb “He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.” Samuel Johnson “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” Paul Keating “There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” Jack E. Leonard “He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.” Robert Redford “They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.” Thomas Brackett Reed “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” Charles, Count Talleyrand “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” Forrest Tucker “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” Mae West “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” Oscar Wilde** “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… For support rather than illumination.” Andrew Lang (1844-1912) “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” Billy Wilder “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” Groucho Marx