25 Signs That You’ve Grown Up
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Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
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Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
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You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
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6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
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You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
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You watch the Weather Channel.
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Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
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You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
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Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
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You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
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Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
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You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
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Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
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You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
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Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
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You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
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Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
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Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
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If you’re a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
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A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
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You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
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“I just can’t drink the way I used to,” replaces, “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
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90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
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You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
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You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old butt.